


Bittersweet Romance

by dawnlight



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: Confession, M/M, Not Beta Read, Possibly OOC, hurt comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 13:40:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5787280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dawnlight/pseuds/dawnlight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After he failed the dog test, Eggsy watches 'A Single Man' movie and realizes he's in love</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bittersweet Romance

Life is cruel, that’s what he feels when he stands in the hallway, his palms clenched and his rage boils, tries to burn out his mind into ashes. If not for a gentle yet firm tap on his shoulder, he’ll probably storm out the building, vandalizing some perfectly trimmed bushes or pissing on the front porch. But it’s Roxy who stands next to him, staring him with a thoughtful look. For a second Eggsy wants to hiss, telling the girl to just ‘fuck off’ if she starts rubbing her victory at him, or worse, pitying Eggsy because he’s a fucking coward for not shooting his dog.

“Eggsy…” Roxy whispers softly, “do you want a lift back to London?”

So kind of her concerning about his well-being when she is supposed celebrating with Arthur and Merlin and her fucking dead dog. “You shot your dog.” Eggsy knows he doesn’t have right to accuse her, but he’s pissed, okay? After all those dangerous trainings, how can it end by such ridiculous test? Eggsy can’t see any achievement from that, except turning the agent into cold blooded murderer.

“It’s a test.”

“So if it’s JUST a dog, it’s okay to point a gun at it? So Kingsman agents treat their mark as dog? That’s the point of this job, really?” It’s skeptic and bitter but Eggsy can say worse or doing worse. The fact that he loves Roxy too much to hurt her makes Eggsy tries to suppress his anger into low, displeased growl.

“It’s a blank, Eggsy.” Eggsy pales in shock at her sighing answer. “The test is about how to maintain our trust and how wrong attachment will affect us. We shall not feel anything to our mark, not taking everything personal because it’ll not only backfire to us but also at the rest of organization. I know the test is wrecked.” Just then Eggsy sees the real emotion behind her aristocratic mask. Her body shudders in tremors that he tries to support her –support both of them- by drowning her into a loose hug. “God, I think I’ll get nightmare from this for the rest of my life…” she says breathlessly, “just for a fucking job…”

Eggsy hates the warmth which tries to slip into his maddening heart but he can’t stop himself from smiling or suddenly feeling better and forgiving, “You’ve got it, Rox.” He leans to peck her forehead, “You deserve it.” And yes, where again this anger comes from? He knows if Roxy gets the job then it’ll be for the best. Besides, Charlie probably won’t be too bitter if it’s her and not Eggsy. The motherfucker somehow finds Eggsy’s cell number and bitching about _his_ failure at the train track for hours, when Eggsy supposes to get some beauty sleep in the luxury of Harry’s guest bedroom.

 

“So,” He releases her from hug and grins, “what about a celebration? I believe you owe me drinks, Agent Lancelot.”

 

*

 

“Are you sure I can be here?” Eggsy drops his heavy body on the couch, eyes stares lazily at black screen of television. Roxy flops next to him holding TV remote while grinning.

“Relax. No one will notice if you stay here for one more night.” She turns on the TV, switches into DVD mode, “besides, I’ve found this film in Alistair’s house.” She gives Eggsy the cover while giggling and Eggsy eyes widened to see the main actor.

“Bloody hell,” He curses, “Is this Harry?!”

“Not Harry.” Roxy cackles, “Just look alike and that’s pretty wicked. But you know what’s better? The guy who plays Jim really looks like James, I mean, previous Lancelot…” and Eggsy frowns at giddy Roxy, finally understands and then -much to confuse himself why- he gets terrified.

“Holy shit.” Eggsy swears, “Is this a gay movie? Please don’t tell me you want me to watch someone who looks like Harry fucking with someone who looks like former Lancelot.” _Please_ , he cringes, _my heart can’t stand it._

But Roxy only laughs and presses the play button –apparently she has been putting the disk in the player- all while threatening Eggsy to stay with her or she’ll make him to. He knows what she’s capable of and he doesn’t want to challenge her. Besides, when the movie begins he starts to get curious at how this Harry-look-alike acts and how is the general plot of the movie.

At the water scene, he half expected this is the usual exhibitionist porn but then there’s snow on the screen, painted with the tires track and ends by the sight of flipped car and blood stained body. A figure walks in approaching and then lies on the snow, right next to the dead man.

Then a kiss is shared, soft and tender, like a goodbye.

Eggsy feels his heart rising up and stuck in his throat. Suddenly it’s hard to breathe and hard to think clearly for he can only tense on his seat, awestruck at the monologue of the main protagonist. He doesn’t know what to react, aside gawking at every distorted feeling in him every time the vivid color strikes in the presence of good memories of the dead’s lover.

 

It’s terrible.

It feels like a story about the real Harry being in love and heart broken. It turns breathing hard when his vision began getting blurred with tears. It makes Eggsy realizes he loves Harry, not as the man who pay the debt to his father, not as his mentor, but simply like a man to another man. “Rox you’re an arsehole.” He sniffs with hoarse voice, tears drenched his face right when Jim stares right into George eyes while muttering to the blond lady with a content smile. _‘I think I’m taken…’_

“You must understand, Eggsy,” Roxy wipes her own tears, “Love is strange.”

 

Eggsy ain’t complaining about love, or having issues with gay love. In fact, when the film ends, Eggsy gets up from the couch and unceremoniously walks out of the small lounge for recruits, desperately in search for Harry.

 

_‘Beloved’_

 

The word echoes in his mind, the light brush of a kiss from the ghost haunted his every step and reminds him of twenty four hours he spent with Harry. Like the time he practices making Martini -side by side with Harry- till he felt so buzzed and light, and the loud sound of his laugh as Harry decides it's the time for sleep. He didn't make it to bed, somehow he's falling asleep between changing into spare pjs and listening to Harry's story about his father during training. Yet he wakes up warm and content, tucked beneath the thick blanket in Harry's guest bedroom. It's one of precious moments in his life cause for once he finally tastes again how it feels to be safe and sound, to be able sleeping without worrying about tomorrow.

 _Damn._ Eggsy bit his bottom lips. He'll miss Harry when it's the time to cut his ties with Kingsman. or at least he'll miss the scones.

 

“Eggsy?”

 

He doesn’t need to return to London to meet Harry. Turns out their path crossed at the hallway. Harry is about to flee for mission and looks perfect as usual while Eggsy is like a crap, tries hard to look composed with face swollen and eyes bleary from crying. He frowns at the sudden urge to jump and wraps his hands around Harry waist, pulling the older man into a clinging hug. His heart aches in wants but the rational part of his mind scolds the stupid organ to get a hold of himself, because Harry doesn't know whatever monster causing this storm in him. Harry will only think he's rude and childish.

There again, since when he's not rude and childish?

 

“I’m sorry, Harry.” Eggsy entwined his fingers instead, ceases his internal battle by muttering in grief.

 

“Listen, Eggsy...” Harry approaches him and rests both palms on his shoulders. It supposes to comfort him but Eggsy flinches in awareness for the jolt of pleasure coiling beneath his abdomen. It confuses him. Why pleasure has to surface at a time like this? Why he gets hot and frustrated because of seeping warmth and approaching scent from Harry's fragrance? He sighs, ashamed for the distraction by his stupid desire.

"When I get back, we can talk about this."

Eggsy snaps by the words, eyes looking up into the brown orbs, pleading a silent request for Harry to stay, and if it possible, to not ditch Eggsy because it's not his life when he can't spend it with the older man. 

God he starts to sound ridiculous, _because who am I to him?_ Eggsy spats at himself in reminder and blames the trace of sentiment from the movie to turn him soft and sensitive. _I’m just a no good man. Nothing to begin, nothing at the end._ He says it in order to strenghten his constitution again but tears more stubborn and disgustingly melt onto his face.

Great, he turns into a fucking teenage girl.

“Hey…” Harry calls him, “Eggsy, what’s wrong?”

He shakes his head but he can’t just lie and says there’s nothing wrong. He's in love, and had to give up because he doesn't deserve Harry. "I...I'm sorry, Harry..." _because you think I have great potential yet I ruined your expectation. Not only I can't stop being angry with my life, but I'm also falling in love with you when I know you only help to me because that's the right thing to do._

 

“Come with me.”

 

Eggsy lets Harry grabs his wrist and then leads him through the hallways and stairs and corridors. He follows with gaze pinned at the floor till Harry stops and makes him sits on a chair. “Eggsy.” He snaps and stares at the interior of Kingsman Jet, before his gaze fixes on Harry who takes a seat across his, “listen. You’ll go with me to Kentucky. I hope during the flight we can talk and sort things out. Just stop crying, okay? If you think I’m angry at you…”

 

“I love you.”

 

Harry pauses and Eggsy already tastes the sourness of rejection stabbing into his anxious heart. He decides to throw his gaze at the window, realizes the jet is taking off. He grits his teeth in discomfort because there’s no way he can’t run away from an airplane and now he’s stuck with Harry up until they return to London.

 

“Why?”

 

Eggsy snaps at the man, sincerely hopes Harry just let the topic go or better, brush it off as joke. There’s awkwardness in between them already, no need to turn it worse. However, Harry stays calm and unreadable, yet firm with the question. So Eggsy shrugs and scoffs, “why not? Why there must be a reason to love?” He startles by his own exclamation but he’s too bitter to not continue the rants. “If it’s up to me, I’d kill this feeling because I don’t want you to be bothered, I don’t want to look less shameful than I am now, for not be able shooting JB, for disappointing you, and returns to zero point all over again after everything you’ve done to help me.”

“Eggsy…” Harry mutters softly, “You can’t love me.”

“I know. Thanks for the mention.” Eggsy shrugs ruefully.

“No, I’m the one who isn’t worth loving.” Harry says, turns Eggsy dumbfounded, before the boy clears his throat and hisses lowly with,

“If you’re using age gap as excuse, I’m gonna be very cross with you, Harry.”

“But it's the truth.”

 

Long Eggsy drowns in wait for more words, more rejection while Harry spends the passing minutes pursing _his_ lips as if the man was the one who’s hurting. It builds a heavy tension around them, suffocating Eggsy with guilt and sorrow that he needs to put a stop into it before it turns worse. "Then let's be blind and deaf with _the truth_." He suggested, low and hoarse after all those tears ruining his throat, "If you're afraid with the physical demand, then I won't ask for more than platonic love." He tried to smile and then smile even wider as he finds the conflicted gaze in Harry's eyes as well as faint blush coloring the pale cheekbones, "just let me around, please. I only want to be with you."

"Eggsy, I don't mean..." Harry breathes between his words, so unlike a gentleman for losing his words, "It's a scandal to be romantically involved with you."

Eggsy raises his eyebrows, "but you don't mind to be romantically involved with me?"

Harry sighs, averts  _his_ gaze elsewhere as the man reluctant to give answer. Eggsy wants to coax _him_ more but he's already pushing his luck to the limit. He's not expecting to confess and even surprised Harry doesn't just throw him out of the plane for his insolent love. 

 

“So…” After a while, Eggsy decided to change the topic, “You’re not angry I'm failed the dog test?”

Harry glances back at him and Eggsy can't help but smile sheepishly to see relief washes the cloud of anxiety in the man's gaze. “Well, at least you made it alive.” And the air around them seems fresher now they're back into their usual banter. “Your mother will definitely kill me if she sees me giving her another medal.” Despite the man still looks calm as hell, there’s a hint of amusement in Harry’s gaze. “Besides, you can still apply for other positions in Kingsman so you’re not actually had to go home, unless that’s what you want.”

“Really?” _Now that’s a fucking good news!_ Eggsy gapes. “Well then, is there any opening for ‘sticking-to-Harry-Hart’ position? I’m sure I’m the best at doing so.” He whispers huskily and winks. 

Harry snorts, “As my _valet_?”

Eggsy recalls again how Mr.DeVere introduces him to Valentine and wonders the chills in the back he felt before ain’t because the presence of Valentine, but at how wrong to call Eggsy _‘my valet’_ while it sounds like ‘ _my_ _pet’_. “I don’t even care if you make me your slippers, Harry." He exclaims while grinning, "I must stick to you wherever you go.”

Harry glares at him judgingly. “Hmm, pushy." Eggsy only giggles more because both of them knows Harry will consider the idea, "Actually that doesn’t sound bad. You can do the dirty job for me.”

"Thank you, Harry!" Eggsy almost jumps from his seat and shares some peppering kisses on Harry's face but he holds himself. _Not now, stupid._

Harry leans back and read a magazine, “where's my martini then, Edward?"

Eggsy rolled his eyes and got up, "who the fuck is Edward..." he muttered to himself, tried to be sulky and pouty. It doesn't work, of course. When a person is experiencing happiness, it's hard to be grudging about life. yes, Eggsy still think life is cruel, but he's also understand now, if there are things he can’t own or reach, at least he can keep what already belongs to him, like the skills he gets from training, his friendship with Roxy, JB as a sweet addition to his little family, and his blind love for Harry.

 

"What should I wear then, Sir?" Eggsy asks as he passes the glass to Harry, "stewardess uniform or maid dress?"

 

Really, he only means it as joke, but he swears there's a swirl of darkness in Harry's eyes and for such absurd reason his cock twitches in reaction.

 

*


End file.
